March 2001 - Jokes
| Date: March 27, 2001 |
A truck driver hauling a tractor-trailer load of computers stops for a beer. As he approaches the bar, he sees a big sign on the door saying: "NERDS NOT ALLOWED--ENTER AT YOUR OWN RISK!" He goes in and sits down. The bartender comes over to him, sniffs, says he smells kind of nerdy and asks him what he does for a living. The truck driver says he drives a truck, and the smell is just from the computers he is hauling. The bartender says OK, truck drivers are not nerds, and serves him a beer. As he is sipping his beer, a skinny guy walks in with tape around his glasses, a pocket protector with twelve kinds of pens and pencils, and a belt at least a foot too long. The bartender, without saying a word, pulls out a shotgun and blows the guy away. The truck driver asks him why he did that. The bartender said not to worry, the nerds are over-populating the Silicon Valley, and are in season now. You don't even need a license, he said. So the truck driver finishes his beer, gets back in his truck, and heads back onto the freeway. Suddenly he veers to avoid an accident, and the load shifts. The back door breaks open and computers spill out all over the freeway. He jumps out and sees a crowd already forming, grabbing up the computers. They are all engineers, accountants and programmers wearing the nerdiest clothes he has ever seen. He can't let them steal his whole load. So remembering what happened in the bar, he pulls out his gun and starts blasting away, killing several of them instantly. A highway patrol officer comes zooming up and jumps out of the car screaming at him to stop. The truck driver said, "What's wrong? I thought nerds were in season." "Well, sure." said the patrolman, "But you can't bait 'em."
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| Date: March 20, 2001 |
Some not-too-smart gangsters decide to rob a bank. After several
days of planning they agree on the best plan. The next day they get to work and are able to
get into the bank relatively easily thanks to their planning. Once inside the main vault, they
discover one wall is full of safety deposit boxes and start to work on them immediately. They
drill and pry open the first box only to find a small container of vanilla pudding inside.
The Head Gangster says "Okay, well, at least we can eat it." So they eat the pudding. They drill and pry open up the second Safety deposit box and there sits another pudding. They decide to devour it too. Determined to find the goods, the process continues for the rest of the night until all the safety deposit boxes have been opened. They didn't find any money or jewelry in any of the boxes. Disappointed the head gangster said "Well, at least they left something for us to eat." The next day, while listening to the news they hear: "Yesterday the largest sperm bank in the USA was robbed by an unknown group of people."
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| Date: March 1, 2001 |
As a senior citizen was driving down the freeway, his car phone
rang.
Answering, he heard his wife's voice urgently warning him, "Herman, I just heard on the news that there's a car going the wrong way on I-90. Please be careful!" "Hell," said Herman, "It's not just one... It's hundreds of them!" |