April 2001 - Jokes
| Date: April 25, 2001 |
Husband and wife are getting all snugly in bed. The passion is heating up. But then the wife stops and says "I don't feel like it, I just want you to hold me." The husband says "WHAT??" The wife explains that he must not be in tune with her emotional needs as a Woman. The husband realizes that nothing is going to happen tonight and he might as well deal with it. So the next day the husband takes her shopping at a big deptartment store. He walks around and has her try on three very expensive outfits. He tells his wife, "We'll take all three of them." Then goes over and gets matching shoes worth $200 each. And then goes to the Jewelry Deptartment and gets a set of diamond earrings. The wife is so excited (she thinks her husband has flipped out, but she does not care). She goes for the tennis bracelet. The husband says "but you don't even play tennis, but OK if you like it then lets get it." The wife is jumping up and down so excited she cannot even believe what is going on. She says "I am ready to go, lets go to the cash register." The husband says, "No - no - no, honey we're not going to buy all this stuff." The wife's face goes blank. "No honey - I just want you to HOLD this stuff for a while." Her face gets really red and she is about to explode and then the Husband says, "You must not be in tune with my financial needs as a Man!!!
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| Date: April 19, 2001 |
A married man and his secretary were having a torrid affair. One afternoon they couldn't contain their passion, so they rushed over to her place where they spent the afternoon making passionate love. When they were finished, they fell asleep, not waking until 8 o'clock. They got dressed quickly. Then the man told his secretary to take his shoes outside and rub them on the lawn. Bewildered, she did as he asked thinking him pretty weird. The man finally got home and his wife met him at the door. Upset, she asked where he'd been. The man replied, "I cannot tell a lie. My secretary and I are having an affair. Today we left work early, went to her place, spent the afternoon making love, and then fell asleep. That's why I'm late." The wife looked at him, took notice of his shoes and yelled, "I can see those are grass stains on your shoes. You damn liar! You've been playing golf again, haven't you?"
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| Date: April 5, 2001 |
Jack and his buddy Bob loaded up Jack's van and headed North to do some skiing. After driving for a few hours, they got caught in a terrible blizzard. They pulled into a nearby farm house and asked the attractive lady who answered the door if they could stay the night. "Well, I'm recently widowed, and I'm afraid of what the neighbors would say", she told them. Jack told her, "Well, would it be OK if we slept in your barn? If the weather breaks, we'll be gone at first light." The lady agreed and the next morning, the weather had cleared and Jack and Bob were on their way. They enjoyed a great weekend of skiing. About nine months later, Jack got an unexpected letter from an attorney. It took him a few minutes to figure it out, but he finally determined that it was from the attorney of the attractive widow. He dropped in on his buddy Bob and asked him "Bob, when we were stranded at that farm last year, did you happen to get up in the middle of the night, go up to the house and pay her a visit?" "Yes", Bob said, "I have to admit that I did." "And, did you happen to use my name instead of yours while you were enjoying her company?" asked Jack. Embarassed, Bob said, "Yeah, sorry buddy, I'm afraid I did. Why do you ask?" Jack replied, "Well, the widow just died and left me everything!" |