June 2000 - Jokes

Date:
June 29, 2000		 A little boy hears the word whorehouse in school
and asks his father what it means. His father is
quite shocked, and replies: "Well, uh... you go there
to... have a good time."

The boy starts screaming and hollering that he wants
to go there too, but his father insists that he's too young.

Saturday night his dad and a few friends go to "Suzie's"
to "have a good time", not knowing the little boy is
following them. After his father leaves, the little boy
enters the whorehouse and tells the madame that he wants
to have a good time. She's a bit puzzled at first, but being
a kind-hearted lady she gives him three doughnuts and
tells him to leave.

Later that night he comes home, his parents all worried.
His father approaches him first and asks him where he's been.

"IN A WHOREHOUSE!" he screams proudly.

"WHAT? Well... uh... how was it?"

"I managed the first two without any problem, but I just licked the last."
 

Date:
June 22, 2000

  

A farmer ordered a high-tech milking machine.

Since the equipment arrived when his wife was out of town, he
decided to test it on himself first. So, he inserted his penis
into the equipment, turned the switch on and everything else was
automatic!

Soon, he realized that the equipment provided him with as much
pleasure as his wife did. When the fun was over, though, he
quickly realized that he couldn't remove the instrument from his
penis, and his discomfort was quickly building.

He read the manual but didn't find any useful information. He
tried every button on the instrument, but still without success.

Finally, the farmer decided to call the supplier's Customer
Service Hot Line. "Hello, I just bought a milking machine from
your company. It works fantastically, but how do I remove it from
the cow's udder? I... I mean the cow seems to be in a lot of
pain."

"Don't worry," replied the customer service rep, "the machine was
programmed to release automatically once it's collected two
gallons of milk."

Date:
June 14, 2000
A middle aged woman has a heart attack and is taken
to the hospital. While on the operating table she has
a near-death experience. During that experience she
sees God and asks if this is it. God says no and
explains that she has another 30-40 years to live.

Upon her recovery she decides to just stay in the
hospital and have a face lift, liposuction, breast
augmentation, and a tummy tuck. She even has someone
come in and change her hair color. She figures since
she's got another 30 or 40 years she might as well
make the most of it.

She walks out the hospital after the last operation
and is killed by an ambulance speeding up to the hospital.
She arrives in front of God again and asks,
"I thought you said I had another 30-40 years?"
God replies, "I didn't recognize you."

Date:
June 8, 2000
Little Johnny on his way home from school must pass
by a group of hookers. Everyday as he passes them,
the hookers wave at him with their pinkies and say "Hi there Johnny!!"

One day Johnny stops and asks one of the hookers why they
always wave at him with their pinkies. They reply, "Well,
that is what size we imagine your penis to be, but it's just a joke!"

The next day on his way home, the hookers repeat the tradition.
Little Johnny stops and drops his school books on the ground,
sticks all his fingers in his mouth to stretch his lips
very wide and says, "Hi there ladies!"

Date:
June 1, 2000
An old man went into the confession booth at the Catholic
church and told the priest: "I am 82 years old and have
been faithfully married to the same woman for 55 years,
but last night I had the time of my life with two 18 year
old twin sisters."

The Priest replied, as he mopped the sweat from his brow:
"How long has it been since you've been to confession?"

The old man said: "I've never been to confession, I'm Jewish."

Priest: "Then what are you doing here, telling me this."

Old man: "Hey, I'm telling everybody."