One boy stands up and says, "If my best friend who lives
next door is playing in the street and a car comes along and
runs him over; that would be a tragedy."

"No," says Bush, "that would be an accident."

A girl raises her hand: "If a school bus carrying 50
children drove off a cliff, killing everyone involved; that
would be a tragedy."

"I'm afraid not," explains the President. "That's what we
would call a Great Loss."

The room goes silent. No other children volunteer. President
Bush searches the room and asks, "Isn't there someone here
who can give me an example of a tragedy?"

Finally, way in the back of the room, Johnny raises his hand
and in a quiet voice he says, "If Air Force One, carrying
Mr. and Mrs. Bush, was struck by a missile and blown up to
smithereens, that would be a tragedy."

"That's right! And can you tell me WHY that would be a
tragedy?" asks the President. "Well," Johnny says, "because
it wouldn't be an accident and it sure as hell wouldn't be a
Great Loss."

Hello! You have reached the automated answering service of
your school. In order to assist you in connecting to the
right staff member, please listen to all options before
making a selection:

To lie about why your child is absent - Press 1

To make excuses for why your child did not do his work -
Press 2

To complain about what we do - Press 3

To cuss out staff members - Press 4

To ask why you didn't get needed information that was
already enclosed in your newsletter and several bulletins
mailed to you - Press 5

If you want us to raise your child - Press 6

If you want to reach out and touch, slap or hit someone -
Press 7

To request another teacher for the third time this year -
Press 8

To complain about bus transportation - Press 9

To complain about school lunches - Press 0

If you realize this is the real world and your child must be
accountable/responsible for his/her own behavior, class
work, homework, and that it's NOT the teacher's fault for
your child(ren)'s lack of effort -

HANG UP and HAVE A NICE DAY!!!

DAUGHTER: "Ok, Dad."

DAUGHTER: "Here Mom. Dad told me to give you this check and tell you that since I'm 18 now, it's the last support check you will ever get from him. Then he told me to watch the expression on your face."

MOM: "Well Honey, go tell him that he's not really your father and watch the expression on HIS face."