August 2001 - Jokes

Date:
August 30, 2001		 Sitting on the side of the highway waiting to catch speeding
drivers, a State Police Officer sees a car puttering along
at 22 MPH. He thinks to himself, "This driver is just as
dangerous as a speeder!" So he turns on his lights and pulls
the driver over.

Approaching the car, he notices that there are five old
ladies-two in the front seat and three in the back-wide eyed
and white as ghosts. The driver, obviously confused, says to
him, "Officer, I don't understand, I was doing exactly the
speed limit! What seems to be the problem?"

"Ma'am," the officer replies, "you weren't speeding, but you
should know that driving slower than the speed limit can
also be a danger to other drivers."

"Slower than the speed limit? No sir, I was doing the speed
limit exactly...Twenty- two miles an hour!" the old woman
says a bit proudly.

The State Police officer, trying to contain a chuckle
explains to her that "22" was the route number, not the
speed limit.

A bit embarrassed, the woman grinned and thanked the officer
for pointing out her error.

"But before I let you go, Ma'am, I have to ask... is
everyone in this car OK? These women seem awfully shaken and
they haven't muttered a single peep this whole time," the
officer asks with concern.

"Oh, they'll be all right in a minute officer. We just got
off Route 119."

 
Date:
August 28, 2001		 An old man and woman were married for years even though they
hated each other. When they had a fight, screams and yelling
could be heard deep into the night.

A constant statement was heard by the neighbors who feared
the man the most...

"When I die I will dig my way up and out of the grave to
come back and haunt you for the rest of your life!"

They believed he practiced black magic and was responsible
for missing cats and dogs, and strange sounds at all hours.
He was feared and enjoyed the respect it garnished.

He died abruptly under strange circumstances and the funeral
had a closed casket. After the burial, the wife went
straight to the local bar and began to party as if there was
no tomorrow. The gaiety of her actions were becoming extreme
while her neighbors approached in a group to ask these
questions:

"Are you not afraid? Concerned? Worried? that this man who
practiced black magic and stated when he died he would dig
his way up and out of the grave to come back and haunt you
for the rest of your life?"

The wife put down her drink and said. . .
"Nah... let the old man dig. I had him buried upside down!"

 
Date:
August 16, 2001		 A young woman from New York City was driving through a
remote part of Oklahoma when her car broke down. An Indian
came riding by on horseback and offered to give her a lift
to a nearby town. She climbed up behind him on the horse
and they rode off.

The ride into town was uneventful except that every few
minutes the Indian would let out a loud whoop that echoed
back from the surrounding hills. When they arrived in
Bartlesville, he let her off at the local Phillips 66
service station, yelled one final, "Yahoo!" and rode off.

"What did you do to get that Indian so excited?" asked the
service station attendant.

"Nothing. I merely sat behind him on the horse, put my arms
around his waist and held onto his saddle horn so I wouldn't
fall off."

"Lady," the attendant said, "Indians ride bareback."

 
Date:
August 3, 2001		 Two casino dealers are at the craps table when a cute blonde
comes over and says, "I want to bet twenty-thousand dollars
on a single roll of the dice. But, if you don't mind, I'd I
feel much luckier if I were completely nude."

They say fine, she strips naked from the neck down, and
rolls the dice. Then she screams, "I won! I won!"

She starts jumping up and down, hugs each of the dealers,
and then picks up her money and her clothes and walks away.

For a minute the two dealers stare at each other.

Then the first one says, "What did she roll, anyway?"

The second dealer says, "I don't know. I thought you were
watching."