September 2000 - Jokes

Date:
September 25, 2000		 A businessman meets a beautiful girl and agrees to spend the afternoon
with her for $500. So they do. Before he leaves, he tells her that he
does not have any cash with him, but that he will have his secretary
write a check and mail it to her, calling the payment "RENT FOR
APARTMENT."

On the way to the office he regrets what he has done, realizing that
the whole event was not worth the price. So he has his secretary send
a check for $250 and enclosed the following typed note:

Dear Madam,

Enclosed find check in the amount of $250 for rent of your apartment.
I am not sending the amount agreed upon, because when I rented the
apartment, I was under the impression that:

1) it had never been occupied;
2) that there was plenty of heat;
3) that is was small enough to make me cozy and at home.

However, I found out that it had been previously occupied, that there
wasn't any heat, and that it was entirely too large.

Upon receipt of the note, the girl immediately returned the check for
$250 with the following note:

Dear Sir:

First of all, I cannot understand how you expect a beautiful
apartment to remain unoccupied indefinitely. As for the heat, there is
plenty of it, if you know how to turn it on. Regarding the space, the
apartment is indeed of regular size, but if you don't have enough
furniture to fill it, please do not blame the landlady.

 
Date:
September 15, 2000		 A couple have been married forty years and are revisiting
the same places they went to on their honeymoon. As they
are driving through the secluded countryside, they pass a
ranch with a tall deer fence running along the road.

The woman says, "Sweetheart, let's do the same thing we did
here forty years ago!"

The guy stops the car. His wife backs against the fence, and
he immediately jumps her like a bass on a junebug. They make
love like never before.

Back in the car, the guys says, "Darlin', you sure never
moved like that forty year ago -- or any time since that I
can remember."

The woman says, "Forty years ago that goddamn fence wasn't
electrified!"
Date:
September 10, 2000		 It seems that when the Lord was making the world, he called
man over and bestowed upon him twenty years of normal sex
life. Man was horrified. 'Only twenty years of normal sex
life?' but the Lord was very adamant, that was all man could
have.

Then the Lord called the monkey and gave him twenty years.
'But I don't need twenty years', he protested, 'ten is plenty
for me.' Man spoke up eagerly, 'Can I have the other ten?' The
monkey graciously agreed.

Then the Lord called the lion and gave him twenty years, and
the lion, like the monkey wanted only ten. Again the man spoke
up, 'Can I have the other ten?' The lion said of course he could.

Then came the donkey and he was given twenty years-but like the
others,ten was sufficient and again man pleaded, 'Can I have the
other ten?' The donkey said yes he could.

This explains why man has twenty years of normal sex life, plus
ten years of monkeying around, ten years of lion about it, and
ten years of making an ass of himself.

Date:
August 15, 2000
At a dinner party, several of the guests were arguing
whether men or women were more trustworthy. "No woman,"
said one man, scornfully, "can keep a secret."

"I don't know about that," huffily answered a woman guest.
"I have kept my age a secret since I was twenty-one."

"You'll let it out some day," the man insisted.

"I hardly think so!" responded the lady. "When a woman has
kept a secret for twenty-seven years, she can keep it forever."